/sci/ - Science & Math

shit writing it agina, lost my copy paste. contineued....

i left the class right after finishing and went to get high as possible to feel happy as fast as possible. i didnt sleep, and i decided to mail my professors

saw my schools psychologist, and she said just to get my doctor a note saying i was incapacitated and they have to let me make up everything I didnt turn in when i cut, and the quiz i missed today with another class. so i was feeling happy-sih.

i still was hearing stuff behind me, and id jump around and no one was there. and feeling unsafe/uncomfortable in groups of people. so the psych told me just to go home and sleep. so i did.

but before i took drugs to sleep, i mailed my Psych professor. i told her what i have, and i rambled on and explained why i missed class in overt detail and used a little profanity. not sure why, but it seemed acceptable at the time. now after i slept it didnt seem as good as an idea. but it was calling my symptoms shit, fucking bullshit, and etc... nothing mean to her. i was polite to her, but the swearing was at general things. like a marine talks kind of.

She said she hopes I feel better. And to come see her on monday at office hours or after class. I asked her what I missed, and told her i don't know a single person in that class so i can't ask them like she says to do in her syllabus. she wouldn't tell me wht i missed over email. does this mean something is up? is she going to try and get me in trouble or something bad planned for me? im not sure. i dont think shes gonna kill me or anything but maybe campus police to say i am unfit and get me injected with fucking stupid haldol.

she sent me the powerpoint files(ADA accommodations) and told me not to share with anyone. and then gave me permission to take my test in the disability room at a diff time than the class (Class is really late, they close so i gotta take it early)

Since she told me those things over email. why cant she say wht i missed? she want to talk to me about schizo? Or is she planning something

contt....

and i emailed the professor who's class i walked out on after the speech. told her why i left, and said im schizo. she knows im on disability but not what for. now she knows since i told her i was seeing the shit on the cards my hands and the walls.

i called my symptoms bullshit again ffor some reason but that's the only bad thing. i was polite as possible. i asked her what i missed during the class i lift and if i need to get any hand outs or etc....

she didn't reply at all. 2 days.

not sure why. is this a bad sign? is something up?school psych said whatever, but i don't know how much teachers hate schizos or think we're murderers. she may lie and shit.

what is likely happening? i am not sure what is reasonable or not. it's confusing. i dont know what t think. am i psychotic right now or ???? i have problems focusing and doing math too, i cut math. doctors note will force him to write a new quiz/test for me even if he doesn't like it via ADA so i might get hate there too.

Dude what the fuck

You just wrote paragraphs without any punctuation, or making a single point, or asking a single question.

>>5531476
>am i psychotic right now or ?
Yes, you are. You're paranoid as fuck and obviously not thinking straight.

>diagnosed with medical condition
>could get 100% legal prescription
>buys illegal drugs of unknown quality
yeah. you're fucking nuts.

>>5531481
what? i have questions at the end. iw as describing the situation. how doesnt it make sense? if i didnt describe, you wouldnt know what happend

>>5531489
explain to me why please. in detail. i dont understand.

>>5531491
Haldol shrinks your brains. I don't want it. ill take abilify or olanzapine but that's it. fuck the other ones. ill take them until i can do math agian. then stop. i prefer none. i was not paranoid until the speech. it seemed to trigger something from the anxiety. it was horrid.

>>5531411
>400-500mg of Oxycontin
this is a fatal dose

>4-6mg of xanax
normal people would be on the floor

>>5531526
I had a tolerance. Obviously I did not do that on no tolerance, faggot

>>5531536
even a daily user could not stand 500mg

this is probably someone's creative writing/psych assignment and he's faking everything.

>>5531526
>normal people would be on the floor

But he hadn't opened the door yet.

>>5531512
>explain to me why please. in detail. i dont understand.
Because you just posted an incoherent rant. You're paranoid because you think your teachers are up to something, are planning to lie about you, are planning to get you in trouble or are scheming against you. Because... she didn't respond to your email? Any sane person would know that this is paranoid.

>>5531543
You have no experience with addiction do you?

>>5531545
You can't walk your dinosaur until you open the door! How can you walk the dinosaur if you haven't opened the door?

>>5531543
Uhhhhhh....I know guys who shoot 2-3 grams of black tar a shot.

OP eating 5 OC 80's isn't that rare.

Let me guess. You're sheltered and haven't taken more than 10 mg of Hydrocodone?

>>5531550
But there is a stigma against schizo. I can consider the fact shes not up to anything but not replying is weird to me. why?

I don't know. I think i'll just do opiates to relax then go in despite feeling hesitant.

how was it incoherent at all? i didn't speak gibberish.

>>5531411
>liquid hydrophone
What?

>>5531512

Are you that same anon that posted earlier in the week about how the medicine you were meant to be taking was shrinking your brain and you stopped taking it?

>>5531581
>but not replying is weird to me. why?
Because you're fucking psychotic, that's why.

>i didn't speak gibberish.
Yeah, you pretty much did.

>>5531411
Anxiety from speech triggered a psychosis, why u no take antipsychotics(except for the illuminati mind control bots in them)

>>5531607
yeah. I am taking it for now again. 20mg abilify.

>>5531621
How was it gibberish? I didn't do word salad. i don't have that im almost sure. I typed real words, and sentences. you understood it and replied obviously.

>>5531594
hydromorphone. Diluadid.

>>5531633
>How was it gibberish? I didn't do word salad. i don't have that im almost sure. I typed real words, and sentences. you understood it and replied obviously.
Yeah, the words themselves are fine, but you make all these connections that don't make any sense to a sane person. That makes it seem incoherent and reads like gibberish. As an example:
> she wouldn't tell me wht i missed over email. does this mean something is up? is she going to try and get me in trouble or something bad planned for me?
This does not make any sense to a sane person. It's a paranoia. If you don't get why it seems that way to me, than I think we can both agree you're being very paranoid here.

>Not telling your lecturer you had a schizo episode

>>5531673
yeah that seems normal to me. i do not get how it does not relate.

I feel she is scared or resentful to me since why would she not reply it takes 1 minute?

>>5531693

Sometimes things just slip people's minds. She could be busy, or be looking up the answer to your query, or on lunch break, or...

There's so many reasons aside from anything about you. Don't worry yourself about that.

Your professors are very busy people, and in any case, being too busy, forgetfulness, and indifference are all more likely than malice. Also you should have posted on >>>/adv/

>>5531712
hmm i suppose. i ll see both of them and be more at ease

>>5531677
Why wouldn't I? im not saying it in front of the class. i GTFO and emailed her

>>5531411
>Schizo
>doing drugs that weren't prescribed
Welp.

>>5531411
> I needed about 400-500mg of Oxycontin
Which means that you are ADDICTED AS FUCK to this. And I don't see any indication that justifys you using the drug at all, it's for controlling pain, not controlling anxiety.

Also the
>4-6mg of xanax
May be okay for occasional use, but if you're regularly taking xanax or any other benzo you'll develop addiction to it.

Why do I mention these addictions? Well, because when you don't get your usual extremely high dose, you go into withdrawal and both of the above mentioned drugs have anxiety flares on the list as withdrawal and side effects.


Let me guess how it came to all this. You had some addictive drug prescribed, showed an addiction to it, the doctor removed the drugs. So instead of steering clear of the addictive drug, you went to a dealer, got more of it, added some opiates and are now heavily dependant on these drugs, in addition, you've quit your antipsychotic meds because they are Evil and harm you.

And all the while, you fail to realize that your current behaviour does ten times more harm than any prescribed and regulated medication could.

>>5531734
i read opiates were used for bipolar, and i have schizoaffective/schizophrenia depending who you ask.

they make me happy, remove voices, and calm me. i think slower and talk more smoothly. people like me more when im high.

i dont think opiates cause psychosis at all.

>>5531756
>temporary fix for a permanent problem
>health side-effects
>spending $400+ on oxycontin just to do a speech

>>5531783
no, i get 80's for $10

Get a real drug connect kid. The only reason you're getting charged 1 buck a mg is you look beta as fuck and the dealer is using the fuck out of you.

I feel bad for you man. I can tell from what you wrote that you are seriously fucked up and very paranoid. You just need to calm down, chill out bro. You'll be fine and everything is going to be okay. Your teachers don't hate schizos, they are sympathizeing with you. Don't use anymore profanity though if you don't want to look nuts. Don't give them a reason to think your crazy. And I have teachers who don't respond to emails period. You're just over thinking this situation. It's all gravy man just chill. Yes I'm a stoner.

>>5531790
I don't use drugs, I googled the price.
>spending $50 on oxycontin to do a speech
>spending $50 to do a speech

>>5531849
/shrug
I cannot do it sober. It's beyond me

>>5531875
>I cannot do it sober. It's beyond me
Because the drugs you use have anxiety as a withdrawal effect.
You're faced with either ensure you have a lifetime supply of these drugs, or you'll lower the doses and wean yourself off them, and go back to only using antipsychotics for the schizo(or none if you can handle that)

go to a psychiatrist and get the correct medication,

>>5531886
Assume more, fuckbag.

I am not physically addicted to any drugs at the current time. I have been in the past, but i alternate drugs atm to avoid physical withdrawals.

I never ahve been able to give speeches my entire life. not as a teenager. id throw up and fail and get laughed at. and now i am psychotic too. so no point in bothering.

school psychologist says i can ask for an alternative assignment, or take a zero if they say no. while they are required by law to let me make up a test i miss cause of mental illness. they don't have to change assignments. i can understand that i guess even if it's gay as fuck shit.

ill ask, an if they say no, I just take a zero. simple as that. if i fail the class due to this, the school psych will get me a medical withdrawal so GPA is fine.

>>5531875
You're just stupid. I'd come up with a psychoanalysis, but you're self-destructive. If you aren't blaming something else, you probably enjoy the self-pity that comes along with your self-destructive behavior.

>>5531903
i used to vomit and want to die as a teenager giving speeches. its my greatest anxiety in lfie. it's worse than when a dealer robbed me gun to head. to take my shit when i was buying 2 grand of pills. by 100x speeches are worse. i was not psychotic as a teenager.

it feels so horrible. id rather spend a month in prison than give another speech

>>5531937
conquer your fear
$ profit

Don't you think a medical professional would be best suited for treating you? If they prescribe something, then maybe you should take their word for it and not whatever you find online. It's in their best interest to make sure that you're fine.

Find an academician who has done outcome studies on schizophrenia showing better results with their mode of therapy. Contact them and ask for a therapist recommendation in your area.

You can lead the kind of life you really want to have, even with schizophrenia.

>>5531790

>i hear voices and write stupid ramblings online
>you are beta because i pay less for drugs

hmmmkay

OP, you're a junky faggot. In case you forgot, this boards is not your personal blog where you can post your incoherent rants or brag about how much drugs you use whenever the fuck you feel like it.

I've been diagnosed schizophrenic but stopped taking the medications and it's been 1 month and I'm doing fine.

>>5531411
My question to you is why do you bother staying in society and jumping through their hoops?

I know I'm different and can't function in society so I stopped chemically lobotomising myself, quit my job, dropped out of University with 3 courses left for my degree, and now live homeless and eat at free soup kitchens.

>>5532237
>now live homeless and eat at free soup kitchens
Sounds like you're really living it up!

>400-500mg of Oxycontin
holy shit op are you charlie sheen

>>5532237
>quit my job, dropped out of University with 3 courses left for my degree, and now live homeless and eat at free soup kitchens.
>1 month and I'm doing fine.
i lold

>>5532147
how is schizophrenic symptoms not related to medicine? how is determinging if psychotic not related to medicine which is related to /sci/ience
>>5532278
no bro but i bet i could spike half a gram of meth at a time if i ever tried. never did. ive went through a 8ball of coke in 1.5 days once.

>>5531752
He's abusing it to cope with his retarded life, he just wants to get high on it to feel good. This is clear in the original posts. He's just an addict at this point I doubt rationality would help.

>>5531752
>You had some addictive drug prescribed, showed an addiction to it, the doctor removed the drugs. So instead of steering clear of the addictive drug, you went to a dealer, got more of it, added some opiates and are now heavily dependant on these drugs, in addition, you've quit your antipsychotic meds because they are Evil and harm you.

>And all the while, you fail to realize that your current behaviour does ten times more harm than any prescribed and regulated medication could.

Bingo.

>>5531900
Fix your problems and get healthy then people might start actually believing you.

>>5531752

This. Exactly this, OP.
You need to cut down on your benzo/opiate habbits because you are doing WAY more harm to yourself than need be.

Coming from a fellow addict, When you're going through these withdrawls you will become more paranoid and more emotional because your brain is not producing enough of the chemicals it's used to pumping out.

I advise that you should go to a specialist and get Suboxone, Methadone ect. to try to overcome this addiction and get back on your schitzo meds.
I usually don't condone pharmaceuticals, but in cases that deal with schitzo or any other debilitating desieses as such, they're needed.


It's all up to you OP. Don't worry about your teachers e-mail's and what-not. They're here to help you with whatever you need and most likely don't think badly of you for having it. They want to give you a chance as with any other student they see throughout their career.


Just take it easy bud. Sit back, take a deep breath and relax. Everything is going to be fine.

>>5531900

>I am not physically addicted to any drugs at the current time. I have been in the past, but i alternate drugs atm to avoid physical withdrawals.


Honey, that's the basic definition of withdrawal.
Your behavior is self-destructive in the sense that you realize that you have these problems -- delusions, paranoia depression and such;
yet, you won't get the medical help needed.

>>5533284
No. You don't know what opiate withdrawal is.

You puke, shit yourself, bone pain, etc.....

You do not get opiate WDs from using 2 days a week. Same with benzos. I use each, 2 different days. then the rest of the days i use a stimulant.

Talk out your ass more faggot. Using =/= physically addicted.

I know what benzo and opiate withdrawals feel like. I've experienced both.

You obviously have not and don't even know what the terms mean

OP is a gigantic faggot.

Stop all forms of caffeine, take vitamin D literally 10k+ IU,s per day AT LEAST. Take vitamin B 12, and B6. Don't masturbate, or take any drugs. If you're on drugs right now, you need to taper off over a week slowly. You need to be 100% sober for AT LEAST 3 months for your brain to start repairing itself. The reason you were diagnosed with schizophrenia is because you fucked your dopamine receptors in your brain from all the drugs and the AFFECT of damaging that system looks like schizophrenia. The entire point of doing what I'm telling you is to let your body repair itself. Basically if it makes you feel good, that will break the process of healing in your brain, so if you really want to get rid of this problem, don't use fucking drugs, don't fucking touch caffeine, and for God sakes don't touch your fucking dick. You need to understand, this is very serious. You've been poisoning brain for a long time, and this is exactly what happens to drug abusers. At some point you might have trouble telling what the truth is, because you broke the part of your brain that helps you do that. The devil will try to trick you into hurting people, so don't fall for it. There will probably be times when you can't tell which explanation is the correct one. just remember there are lots of good people who are on your side. I was in the same situation as you a long time ago, and I fixed it, you can too. But if it's real bad and you're sleeping under bridges because THEY are looking for you. You need to have faith that some doctors are good, and go see one. You can get better, but not if you take drugs to get high. The vitamin D will help get rid of the cravings so not being high won't suck.

>>5533304
>You do not get opiate WDs from using 2 days a week.
HAHA. Alright, you only use 2 out 7 days/week.
I really believe that...

>i read opiates were used for bipolar, and i have schizoaffective/schizophrenia depending who you ask...they make me happy, remove voices, and calm me

> I needed about 400-500mg of Oxycontin
>4-6mg of xanax

You sir, are a fucking retard. Calm your shit on calling out others for not knowing what withdrawals are like and lashing out on them when they are showing you the obvious.

You obviously can't handle your shit and came to an anonymous board to get some kind of advice or help.
I'd advise you to man the fuck up, take in as much information as you can and seek out help.
And for jayzeus' sake, try to get on some kind of schitzo medication that won't make you feel uncomftorable or weird.

>>5533321
No. I didn't even read your entire post. Just like you didn't read mine.

Symptoms started at 15-16. I only did opiates until age 20. Started at 18 due schizo symptoms, which I thought were anxiety but in reality were paranoia, delusions and etc...

There is no way drugs caused this, because I was a good goody hate all drugs drugs are for faggots, kind of DARE little bitch ass faggot of a teenager who never touched drug. Then I started getting insane paranoia at 15, thinking people walking down the hall wanted to beat me half to death, thinking that everyone was planning an elaborate system of ways to humiliate me at school, believing my parents wanted to enslave me and were the cause of my depression and social deficits (got really dumb/socially retarded at 15-16 when the fear hit for some reason. dunno why). and that they were ruining my life trying to use me so i could get a good mjob and they could leech off my income. i ripped apart my walls looking for bugs and cameras they planted.

So if it was due to drugs, like you and some faggots love to say, why did this happen before i touched a drug? i didnt do weed till age 20. or a stimulant till 20-21.

Opiates/Benzos 18-20. Only. I was fearful and needed downers badly. when i met a few scizos at age 20-21 and talked about the stuff, my anxiety went down a lot and i understood it, so i no longer needed to be opiate/benzod out daily and i enjoyed stimulants as well from then on.

>>5533321
Another person,
Why's caffeine so bad? My intake is usually a 200mg pill in the morning to wake up followed by maybe 6 black coffee's at work, weekends off.

>>5533321
please don't give advice until you at least have a rudimentary understanding of physiology

>>5533394
hes so full of fucking shit. ignore him

Hey OP, just so you know, colleges are full of liberals. Your professors are definately just looking out for your best interest.

Even if they are afraid of you because you're "crazy", they can't do anything about it. Since you're considered disabled they'll take extra efforts to make things fair for you. That's just the way colleges work, both legally and because that's how the liberal administrations of the school choose to run things. The teachers would be fired if they plotted against you.

In the end, they either
A: Really want you to succeed
or
B: Don't give a fuck if you pass or succeed, they're just there to do the lecture and answer tests and don't want to deal with specific students

Either way, they aren't going to actively go out of their way to cause you a problem.

>>5533304
>the rest of the days i use a stimulant.
What stimulant? Meth?

>>5533434
sometimes. vyvanse usually. meth makes me extremely horny and I will miss school since i will just jerk off for up to 16 hours at a time. i only use meth rarely when i want to spend a day or two fapping. i dont do anything else on it.

vyvanse makes me less horny, and it lasts like 8-12 hours. I like it.

coke is nice but pricey.

>>5533394
I usually go with the medical establishment (e.g. AMA). Even though they may suffer from some biases, I think these biases are much smaller than other sources, who are usually have a big ideological axe to grind.


>The American Medical Association Council on Scientific Affairs states that moderate tea or coffee drinking likely has no negative effect on health, as long as you live an otherwise healthy lifestyle.

>Three 8 oz. cups of coffee (about 250 milligrams of caffeine) per day and 5 servings of caffeinated soft drinks or tea is considered an average or moderate amount of caffeine.
>Ten 8 oz. cups of coffee per day is considered excessive intake of caffeine.

from http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/002445.htm

>>5533422
I am an untenured professor at a mid-tier University in the northeast. I'm not member of the secret lizardman race, but I do serve them. I seek out borderline students and transfix them with subtle disabling glares during lecture. I am careful to dismiss questions about the unusual clicking noise. The then struggling students then attend my office hours, at which point I explain the finer points of the Carnot cycle in as slow and monotone a voice as I can muster. Once the student is semi-conscious, golden spiders pour from my mouth and I've already said too much. But they don't remember a thing.

>>5533438
Still, both of those are amphetamines.

Seriously, If there's one drug to not use when you're schizo, it's amphetamine.

The general theory of antipsychotics is that they reduce dopamine levels in the mesocortical area of the brain(along with others, but the mesocortical is the therapeutical target). Which alleviates the delusional and psychotic problems with schizo.
Amphetamines? they flood the entire brain
with dopamine(so yeah, it feels good, but...) which promotes psychosis and delusions.

And yes, amphetamines are also associated with anxiety.

You need a drug holiday lasting a long time, along with some thinking of what you're doing.
Seriously.

No person in the world would ever function normally on your drug regiment. And your opinion is invalidated as self-affirmative bias is present in everyone, not just drug abusers(and I discern between drug users and drug abusers unlike some people, you're far into abuser territory however).

>>5531673

I'm going to stop reading the interactions between you two right here, because that's got to be the most brutal misuse of the words "gibberish" and "incoherent" I've ever seen. Good God, it's outright stated that he's got schizophrenia. If you can't match something like

>> she wouldn't tell me wht i missed over email. does this mean something is up? is she going to try and get me in trouble or something bad planned for me?

to the context of the writer being shizophrenic, then I don't even know what to say.

>>5533486

OP, read this. I was honestly surprised too when I read that you're using meth for what is basically recreation.

>>5533321
10k is OD territory, stop giving him bad advice. If you're gonna take vitamin D take 5k IU.

>>5531411
Did it ever occur to you that taking shitloads of drugs was what caused your symptoms, or at least made them much worse?

The fact that you were diagnosed with schizophrenia by a medical professional, does not rule out this possibility.

>>5533628
SEE
>>5533352
>>5533352
>>5533352
Shit started as a teen. I began using, cause i lost all my friends and was fearful and paranoid as shit and thought people could read my thoughts. I was very anti-drug and pro-healthy life style before. But i stopped caring and just wanted to feel happy for once. After i tried vicodin when i got teeth pulled, i instantly changed my views of being anti drug and wanted to be high constantly ever since. if eel normal/happy high.

i dont like my life sober or when on AP meds. its bad.

>>5533631
ok fair enough. I don't know enough to comment on your decision to take illegal drugs vs legal prescribed drugs.

>>5531411
You are sold on placing a shrink in a position of authority to make statements to how you think.

Who's to try and convince you otherwise? Welcome to the pharma-industrial complex. Enjoy your complex.

>>5533631
You dick,

what do you think medications are? DRUGS faggot!

Hi /sci/, hi OP,

I've been reading your threads this week and it looks to me like you're playing a game. Maybe you're doing it deliberately, maybe unconsciously, but here it is:

The first player (OP) would pose a problem as if seeking help, and the other player(s) (/sci/) would offer solutions. OP points out a flaw in every /sci/ player's solution, until they all give up in frustration. The secondary gain for OP is that he could claim to have justified his problem as unsolvable and thus avoid the hard work of keeping on his meds or changing the dosage appropriately or staying off street drugs; and for /sci/, to either feel the frustrated martyr ("I was only trying to help") or a superior being, disrespected ("OP was uncooperative").

In a Karpman Drama Triangle, the "role switch" occurs when one player, after stable roles have become established, suddenly changes role. OP, the victim, becomes a persecutor, and throws the previous persecutor (frustrated /sci/) into the victim role, or the rescuer (white knight /sci/) suddenly switches to become a persecutor ("You never appreciate me helping you, you fucking dumb-ass drug addict!).

Just thought you'd like to know. Have fun!

>>5533628
this

>>5533683
What the fuck are you talking about? Don't Psych 101 analyze me faggot.

>>5533703
Hi OP, I'm the one inside your head, controlling your thoughts. This is fun!

hey, OP - tell us some funny story, I like how you write

the lady downstairs is a lizard
think: you have always known this
you know what to do

>>5533683
Amazing, I must explore this little nugget further...

i lie awake in my bed and my mouth tickles
i can't swallow- i don't know what it is
i spit something into my hand
it's too dark to see
fuck what why is it moving
so many
so many golden spiders

>>5533731
>Karpman Drama Triangle
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Karpman_Drama_Triangle

captcha: Definition etitsom

>>5533737
fake and gay

>>5533740

Well, does the shoe fit?

up there the corner of the ceiling
it's an interior corner, i know it
in this light, though, it could be the outside
like the corner of a cube
i look through the window and the whole world is in a little room
i'm trapped out here

>>5533753
I wasn't aware of this concept until presented here. I am busy re-evaluating all my previous meetings, and familial interactions through the lens of this pardigm. Going to be a while.

>>5533683
....... What?
What the hell are you talking about?

OP is a fucktard who won't take anyone's advice and seek the help that is obviously needed, but this bullshit "deep" psychology move you're trying to pull, for some reason, pisses me off way more.

>>5534842
Deep psychology, please. I pulled it off of Wikipedia and substituted for X and Y. But it fits like a glove. If someone had done this thread deliberately it would have been the most astounding of soft trolls.