/diy/ - Do It Yourself

Drill a hole in a bottle cap and friction fit a foot of aquarium air tubing. Melt and clamp the other end. Make a lot of small holes for a showery effect.
Screw assembly onto any size bottle of preferred content and douche your behind to your liking.

>>2531207
I suspect that's not going to last very long and I would prefer something that can be more fine-tuned than something nigger-rigged.

>>2531209
3d print any nozzle you prefer and have a clean bottom wherever you use the toilet.
>can't wipe his own ass
>somehow finds /diy/ anyway

>>2531216
I can wipe my own ass, the problem is that I got hurt real bad and they cut out a chunk of my intestines and colon so I shit liquid fury multiple times a day now. I have just enough left to not require a bag and the doc says start using a bidet.

>>2531203
>spending money on chink toilet tech
i just wash my ass in the shower after i shit or use baby wipes

I think I'm the only person who discovered that you can take a wad of toilet paper and get it barely wet (drip some water on it at the sink) and it works a treat.
Just like wet wipes, but actually flushable.

>>2531240
If I shower immediately after taking a dump I end up having to wipe again an hour later. I don't know what it is exactly, maybe I get soapy water in my butt or something when I wash it.
If I shower and I haven't just taken a shit, it's fine.
But if I shower right after a shit I feel fine at first, but then about an hour later I feel nasty and wipe a brown streak off my butthole.

>>2531203
I bought one that connects to the water supply at the valve and is hand held, works pretty good but holy fuck it's cold. Was cheap on jewazon but works well

>>2531246
you do not know how to wash your ass go wash it again nigga!

>>2531207
You can just poke a hole in the cap of a cheapo 16oz (.5l) water bottle with a pen and get the same effect

>>2531203
been using my 30 dollar one from amazon for like 4 years now, still going. My cousin had the same one for almost 7(?)

When that initial covid toilet paper thing happened, I got some Brondell bidet off Amazon. It was about $30 then. It's the bolt on kind, where you take the seat off to install it.
Works pretty well, I like it. Only two settings: spray your ass, and self-clean. That was more important to me than multiple nozzles, multiple water input/temp control, etc.

There's a "splatter shield" in front of the nozzle, and the nozzle only extends when you're using it. Uses the line pressure to extend, when you cut the water a return spring pulls it back up. The self-flush/clean does a good job, it's been low-maintenance.

Didn't use the toilet supply line, I ran off the sink's hot water. So there will be an initial room temp spray, then HOT lol. I did get toilet seat bump stops that are slightly taller (maybe 1/4"?) so I don't stress the seat when I'm sitting on it.

>>2531216
>can’t read
>posts anyway

>>2531279
That's what I had wanted, but my bathroom sucks and the toilet is on the opposite side of the room from the sink.

OP please ignore every idiot in this thread and buy a bidet. Spend a bit more for one with good pressure regulation because the cheap ones spray very hard with no softening. Good luck and hope you heal well

>>2531361
I got the Neo 185. It was on sale for like 66% off, I figured it was a safe entryway into butthole rinsing.

>>2531203
I had the same problem. I bought the apure brand bidet for like 30 dollars and it works well. It even shoots water up there to losen the little chunks that don't want to come out so it's not like you're wiping a marker.

>>2531255
i just fill pic related with warm water

>>2531203
>Part of me suspects the cheap shit on scamazon is exactly that: shit.
You're very wrong. I've had the Luxe Neo 120 for three months now and I've been fully thrilled with it. No leaks anywhere although I did use my own teflon tape and now what was included. I did have to buy a T-valve that lets you shut on and off the water to just the bidet to tame the pressure.

>>2531341
I'd run a flex hose from the sink to get hot water. Esthetics are for the weak and the world should be industrial.

Have a shut off valve (a good one) at the sink connection. Every plumbing addition I make gets a shutoff.

op save money and take the cup pill
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dKkryfdtMNQ

>>2531203
Just get pic related. You don't need hot water for your asshole because it would be hot after shitting. The cold water won't bother you.

>>2531203
I used a bidet once but I had to use toilet paper anyways to dry my ass so it seemed pointless. Someone explain it to me.

>>2531536
For ops case dabbing dry will do a lot less damage than whatever tiger claw he's doing to his starfish currently.

>>2531536
It self-dries in a short moment. When I first started I noticed this, too, but it just dries up on its own in less than a minute. It's an odd feeling and it doesn't even make the undies wet.

>>2531536
ITT: Americans

In the civilized world, we use soap at the bidet, and dry our sexy asses with a towel. We learn how to do it when we're like 3.

>>2531516
these are against code because people keep dropping them into the poopy bowl and siphoning poopy water into the potable water lines.

>>2531627
well shit

>>2531627
That makes no sense, it's pressurized, there's no possible way for it to siphon water out of the toilet

>>2531627
u wot m8

>>2531516
Do not get this OP. These are gross. You have to reach your hand down there and the shit will splatter back onto it and your hand. It also doesn't shoot enough pressure to losen up the chunk of shit still in your ass so you still have to wipe your ass bloody. It's a lose lose.

>>2531246
>If I shower immediately after taking a dump I end up having to wipe again an hour later.
I have a similar issue. My asshole got rekt from taking huge opiate shits after a surgery. I first hose out my colon with the jet setting of the shower head and then stick the long handle of a stirring spoon up there to scrape out any remaining shit. Works great

>>2531643
^This. When posters cite codes they should post the citation.

>>2531643
If the city water is turned off (depressurized) then the poop water could be siphoned back into the city water system, leading to contamination. Certain weird cases such as fire hydrant use can also cause negative pressure in the pipes in your home.
You'll find that a lot of the codes, including the electrical and building codes, have to do with addressing edge cases where several unusual fault states are present at the same time.
>>2531683
I'm not that anon, but there are several code sections like Universal Plumbing Code section 603 which talk about back flow preventers. IDK if it's applicable to bidet hoses, but its an oversight if they haven't addressed it specifically in the code. The exact same mechanism of action that could lead to contamination from a pull down sprayer in a commercial sink or a garden hose could be found in these bidet hoses.

>>2531705
>>2531627
Not my problem. Clean it up, janny.

>>2531712
based e.coli poster

My toto washlet c100 is one of my most valuable possessions.
Taking a shit at work feels like being a dirty caveman
>mfw I get fully cleansed while the heated seat warms my buns on a snowy morning

>>2531203
Goddamn dude how hard are you wiping? What the fuck

>>2531847
Bro don't judge, weirdo opiate spoon ass anon above, I used to laugh at gaviscon commercials and all the rest of it but when you get older, one straining shit after gunning a block of cheese and your world is turned upside down.

>>2531203
Does anyone have any experience with using a bidet on a composting outhouse ? Thats designed to minimize the amount of moisture (piss or otherwise) in the compost section?

>>2531847
Not hard, but a lot.

>>2531203
Luxe bidet is based, cheap, provides good customer support, and super easy to install

>>2531854
Try eating more starches. I've eaten more veggies over the years to stay lean and only recently found that lack of starches seems to make me have to wipe a lot

>>2531955
That's not gonna help. I actually went to a physical therapist about it, she's the one who suggested I get one while her finger was up my ass and she was massaging certain muscle groups.

>>2531203
>wet wipes are killing the "good bacteria" on my asshole
What

>>2532002
Yeah it's weird. My doctor says I need to find a gay male (or transfemme) to give me a "good bacteria" infusion. Figured I'd try the bidet first.

>>2532002
Doctors have little real authority over health and adopt crazy fuck beliefs like anyone else.

>>2531366
It's permanently on-sale, I've bought several bidets from them. Unless they've improved the 185, the plastic knob tears itself apart after a while. The Neo 180's knob type is far more reliable.

>>2532382
I'll keep that in mind.

>mfw the luxe bidet exploded and flooded my bathroom
At least scamazon just outright issued a refund and I don't have to fuck with it anymore after mopping all that shit up. The fucking plastic housing just popped open at both the butthole cleaning end and the control end.

>>2531705
have they tried not leaving them in the fucking shit filled shitter?

My wife cleans my bottom for me when I make a poopy woopy. She makes it so me is extra sparkly clean and my cutey wooty bottom is ready for lickies before beddy-by time. My wife and I are trans btw

I bought the basic tushy a while ago. Love it. Hate shitting without it.

>>2531203
been using this for years, not literally that make and model of course, mine is just an extra long shower hose without any attachments that can reach from my shower to the toilet.

Wet your toliet paper with water, put more dry toilet paper under it an clean your feces with that. Repeat until clean, about tree to four times usually. No need for bidets and you will flaunt a taintless water cleaned anal aperture you could eat food on.

>>2532002
kek this

>>2531203
I have a cheap tank-type bidet like picrel but the mounting attachment that goes under the seat has voids that collect...debris. You should try to find a model with a cleaner design.

>>2531677
>I first hose out my colon with the jet setting of the shower head and then stick the long handle of a stirring spoon up there to scrape out any remaining shit. Works great
jfc

>>2534397
I did. The one I got fucking exploded the moment I turned the water back on. I got angry and smashed up the lid and the cheap plastic bidet, so had to go to Home Depot for a new lid. While I was there, I picked up a handheld spritzer. More expensive, but it just hangs on the side of the tank. It's not pic related, I'm too lazy to find the exact model. It was 70-something bucks.

i hate having to tell people this but the entire purpose of a bidet was to give you some water with which to wash down there using your hand.
it was something women really wanted so they could deal with their crusty flap sweat and having a clean asshole was just a nice bonus.
The washlets are a lot different. the water sprays up in an attempt to clean with pressure, if that's what you want go ahead and get one but youre going to be stretching your anus/rectum on a daily basis if you use it in a way that would be effective.
t. md

>>2531203
They're good, they work, and they create converts. You can use your fingers with it to get a good cleaning and then a couple of squares of TP to dry, or go water-tp-water-tp, etc..
But it definitely takes care of messy poops.

>>2531967
>she was massaging certain muscle groups
The prostate?

>>2531203
>>2531372
How sensitive are your buttholes?

>>2534609
She actually did and I chubbed up a little bit and she just laughed and patted my butt.

>>2531203
use a fucking hose, anon.

>>2531203
>the doctor says the wet wipes are killing the "good bacteria" on my asshole
Never heard this before, can anyone confirm/deny this? Google is just showing me stuff about generic cleaning wipes.

Good bacteria on your asshole. News to me.

>>2531203
Have you considered stop taking cocks up the ass? Strange idea for OP I know.

>>2535073
>can anyone confirm/deny this

Not a doctor, pretty sure this is bullshit. There's useful bacteria way UP your asshole, but not on it.

>>2535096
It's news to everyone because it's a load of shit.

Pun intended.

>>2531203
it leaks after 2 years of constant use
I replaced mine twice, on the third time i just got an actual bidet seat
https://www.homedepot.com/p/American-Standard-AquaWash-Non-Electric-Slow-Close-Bidet-Seat-for-Elongated-Toilets-in-White-5900A05G-020/205798302
no more leaks

>>2531617
What do you do with the towel after using it? Do you keep using it until it gets too poopy? Do you use it only once and throw it in the washing with your other stuff? Do you just have dozens of towels?

>>2535567
Your ass should be clean. No poopies

if you want to stay continent don't shove anything up your asshole including water. People who use these regularly either A. have an issue with diet or supplements where they make frequent and massive turds that stretch their ass already B. take dick up the ass
otherwise you'd notice your ass getting loser on a daily basis.

Literally just eat more fiber. I have at least 1 table spoon of flax seeds everyday. I like them. And they have omega 3s.

I don't understand...
I have the bidet where i have to touch the remaining dey shit but that's a common human thing cause that happens when you have babies...
If you spray water in a filthy ass then it's going to splash everything around it with shitty water, isn't that worse?

>>2535105
Yeah OP needs diy advice on how to find a doctor not a bidet.

Got a Luxe for Christmas and it is an improvement but lacks in settings and left too much gap between seat and porcelain to be usable with the main crapper. I’d planning to pony up for a nice $200ish Toto with the heated seat, it’s an experiene

>mfw finally swapped out the toilet seat and installed the hand held bidet
Yeah, I ain't never goin' back. I don't care if my asshole stretches out, I took a massive liquid diarrhea shit from nachos and fish and chips and I had to wipe a grand total one one (1) time just to dry my buttcrack.

2 Professional solutions that are probably not what OP is looking for because they are expensive:
-Get a "tap" for bathing tubes or showers next to your toilet and connect it with a very small shower head (some hundred bucks for the tap, some hundreds for the work and pipes, tiles and shit need to be removed and made new)
-Get a toilet with integrated ass-shower (several thousand bucks)

My /diy/-advice: Get 2 multi-angle-valves where your wash basin is. It is usually near the toilet. The Kinda valves that you put an additional outlet for washing machines. Then do some /diy/ plumbing (you could even use a garden hose) from the 2 valves down and pull them next to your toilet. Then connect them with 2 1/2" "connector panels" (one for warm, one for cold) that you fix on the wall (you can use the tile joint so you don't have to drill into the tiles. Enclose the /diy/ piping with cheap drywall shit and put picture related on the connector panels.

That would be the /diy/ way of making your own ass shower.

If your landlord don't like it you can tear it apart and none of the tiles will be damaged. If the piping leaks you can just turn it off at the angle valves.

I had one of the seat mounted with the sprayer in the bowl from scamazon, it lasted about a year. Now I have just a hand sprayer and prefer it, easier to aim at shit. Shouldn't break as easily. It's so gaddam much better than baby wipes or spitting on tp. Just do it. It's literally a game changer. We Americans are so gaddam stupid, I stg.

the thing in OP pic is perfect. The water is butthole numbingly cold in the winter, but it works great. Blast the ass for 20 or 30 seconds and then dry off and go on your way. Mine only has 2 knobs. One adjusts the stream between butthole and your gaping vagina. the other is on/off/ how hard.

>>2536098
no, it sprays the shit off and then you wipe off the last water with TP. It's like a shower for your butt. If you honestly think you're better because you like to rub your hands in shit, I don't know what to tell you.

>>2536987
btw, this is $40. You have wasted more money on less. Just do it.

>>2536988
>wipe off the last water with TP
I bought maybe two dozen dark gray kitchen handtowels at Ikea, and those are dedicated butt towels. Like, there's two racks in the bathroom: hand towels, butt towels. They don't get filthy or something, they're towels for butt drying, not poop wiping. But it's good to keep them separate.

The last time I bought toilet paper was March 2021. Mostly because sometimes I have people over that choose not to use the bidet. More of that toilet paper has been used for blowing my nose, than anything else.

All of my setup (bidet + butt towels) paid for itself ages ago.

>>2531203
This is gonna sound gross, but I literally use my hand to wipe my ass, and then dip it in the toilet water. Clean up your toilet bowl really well first. The toilet I have hasn't been used by anybody besides myself and my Dad, and it's relatively new. I would just flush the toilet, wipe my ass with my hand, splash it around in the toilet water, flush the toilet, and repeat. If there is still shit stuck on my hand for whatever reason, then I'd wipe it with some paper, and flush that paper down the toilet.

>>2536704
I tried this, but water spurts everywhere and even with tape shit still leaks a little (slow leak, a drop every few hours). Is there a compound to use to seal slow water leaks?

>>2531203
Get a japanese toilet seat you troglodyte

>>2531203
I bought the bidet from Amazon, the one with two nozzles and a handle that you turn, rather than the one with dials.

Took a few minutes to install and I've been happy with the results. You definitely want one that you can control the pressure, because at full bore it's a bit painful.

Do it. You won't regret it.

>>2537241
Dope, maybe. If it's a drop every few hours, I wonder if you applied the teflon tape correctly.
>>2537976
I got one of those, it exploded:
>>2532790
So I wound up going to Home Depot and getting one of these:
>>2531516
It was nearly 100 bucks, but worth it.

Got a $30 one at Walmart. It’s awesome. You don’t need heated crap. Just the cheap one with one setting is good. You don’t just spray your crack, you literally shoot it up your butthole and then shit the water out. You feel so clean and empty. My wife’s asshole used to stink and have a greasy shit coating down her cheeks, but now it’s pink and odorless.

>>2537998
>You don’t just spray your crack, you literally shoot it up your butthole and then shit the water out.
it's a bidet, not an enema.
You're going to wreck your butthole and your guts doing that.

>>2531366
yo that mfer got a pussy setting

>>2538569
It tickles your nuts if you set it to that

>>2538577
i can tickle my nuts manually. fucking yuros need a squirt gun duct taped to their toilet to tickle their nuts?

>>2538584
Variety is the spice of life

>>2538569
no bitches?

>>2538589
none

>>2531203
I bought one similar to pic on aliexpress for like 20 bucks works okay my ass stopped bleeding

>>2535567
I don't think you grasp the concept of "washing".

>>2531613
You do not have hair like I do

>>2537987
>rectoseal

>>2539051
more liek rectumseal lmao

Stop eating Taco bell my dude

>>2531203
change your diet, mate.
This happens to me after a heavy drinking night and eating fast food.
Eat fruits and vegetables, avoid spicy food and alcohol.

>>2531398
this seems so much smarter than all the fucking around you bidet guys are doing

I got the fancy electric bidet with warm water and heated seat. warm water helps your anus open up to wash the shit off inside too. cold water just closes your anus

>>2534413
I’m this anon. I’m posting from a public shitter. My asshole feels like lava because I’ve used nothing but the spray nozzle bidet for weeks. Every single toilet I ever have from now on will have a handheld spray nozzle. Fuck this shit.

>>2531203
I have a neo with the knobs from Amazon. The pussy setting cleans behind your balls too Incase shit water splashes up. Can't recommended it enough. I put one in each 3 toilet in my house.

>>2531516
I got pic rel with attachment to my bathroom faucet, works real good. 20 usd is what I had to pay.

>>2531677
Uh. Are you still on those opiates by any chance?

>>2531203
I have one of these on-line Bidets (Luxe NEO 120) and I fucking love mine. They won't leak unless you're a retard who overtorques the shit out of stuff.

>>2531222
Anon I know this is the right board for this topic but I sincerely suggest you find another consumer product review website to help guide your decision here. It seems like your health is at stake and people here are just going to fuck with you.

>>2543375
No. I got a handheld sprayer type and yesterday was the first day I've shit away from my toilet and it was misery. I'm never going back to barbarian wiping, I'm gonna blast my ass with water from now on.

just rinse your wipes anon, those things have some kind of antibacterial but you can get it off with water.

>>2531246
>But if I shower right after a shit I feel fine at first, but then about an hour later I feel nasty and wipe a brown streak off my butthole.
Similar issue here. Seems the sphincter tightens up something unbelievably after completing the dump, so you cannot wipe it all. Later, on unclenching, there will be brown alert.

>>2531617
>In the civilized world, we use soap at the bidet, and dry our sexy asses with a towel. We learn how to do it when we're like 3.
So a European's ass is clean, fresh, and ready to take a pounding at a moment's notice. Useful to know.

>>2535758
Study talks about warm water, why not use cold? OP already talked about fiery shits, cold water would cool it down

>>2543960
this is unironically why I don't, and have never, dated an american despite having grown up in wisconsin.

I installed one in this chinks house and decided to try it out. Bitch came home mid shit tried to open the door. Very awkward after that

>>2545805
Pretty much every bidet you're gonna be able to install is gonna be tap-cold anyway.

>>2531203
i just shower immediately after shitting. no need to wipe at all.

>>2545971
This