/diy/ - Do It Yourself

>hides your phone
>hides your wallet while you're looking for it

>>2569308
>short stand
Heh good one, my personal favorite is the good ol' Outdoor Mop. Gets em every time.

>>2569369
>Outdoor Mop
I've never heard that one, that's fuckin good.
there is of course also the stripey paint or McCloud's tartan paint.
>can you go get the light bulb fluid from nick?
>light bulb fluid?
>yeah the light bulbs are running low, you need to top them up.
>*apprentice sits there with a bottle of white spirit and a light bulb, completely confounded until he realises*

>>2569308
Here in carpentry we usually ask for the dotted-line cordex or fixed bubble level

>>2569369
>sees new guy on the mini-excavator
>Hey! New Guy!
>Y-yuh?
>Remember you only get four spin arounds on the mini-ex. After that you gotta spin the other way so the hoses don't get too tangled.
>Oh? Really?
>Yeah, the indicator light is busted. You didn't spin around too many times, did you?
>Uh- uh- no?
>Good man, keep at it.

>>2569308
>be new kid
>hey go get me a long stand
>go to the arcade for a few hours grab a burger
>get back to work
>they actually did need a prop for a job and the company broke contract and eventually went bankrupt
fugg

A bit different from the pranks so far, but next time your tig welder is laying a bead, sneak up behind and blast his gas away with an air hose.

>let them catch the sparks with a bucket while using the angle grinder

i threw a circular saw blade like a frisbee at the new guy

Either find an outlet controlled by the light switch you flip on when entering the shop, or remove a bulb on that circuit and install picrel

Tie wrap a belt sander trigger in the "on" position, set on the floor aimed on a clear path to the spot where a person stands when they flip that switch upon entry, make sure switch is off, plug sander in, leave.

Works best with a long distance approach of 20+ feet, and if you tie off the cord so it either unplugs before actually hitting g anyone or is tetherd there and keeps straining forward likeca chained attack dog.

A less potentially dangerous version is to use vibrating sanders, three or four of them starting up inside a metal cabinet or trash cans will get your attention.

Won't lie, never been hazed like this after acting autistic enough times.
>A what?
>What does it do?
>Where can I find it?
>Who used it last?
>You know what? I will just ask the manager/supervisor/foreman. I don't want to waist any more time.
Just name who asked you to find something without proper details. Most of the time the person in charge will clear it up for me.

>>2569496
kek

>>2569510
nearly spat out my water

>>2569449
I love shit like this because im a retard and my stupidity shuts them down fast
>You didnt spin around too many tines, did you?
>oh shit, i might have. I dont remember how many times ive spun around. Can you help me fix this?
>uh- uh- nevermind anon, dont worry about it
And then i worry about it for an hour before realizing i was being fucked with

>>2569308
>Coworker leaves his safety glasses on a work surface
>Apply tiger balm to the nose bridge pad thing
>Guy was walking around all day cursing and rubbing his nose like pic rel

>>2569308
You wouldnt fall for this bs if you had even the slightest common sense

>>2569779
You will fall for it because you're the New Guy, dont want to fuck up, and Old Guy needs this thing NOW move your ass New Guy ffs

>>2569308
You guys know about a bucket of electricity?
>we need a bucket of electricity for a machine
>tell the new kid to get a bucket
>if the bucket is made of metal tell him to get a plastic one
>make him find a lid for the bucket so the electricity doesn't fall out of it

>>2569779
M8 I get paid by the hour, I'll look for a left handed spanner all day with a straight face.

>>2569779
this anon didn't ever clock on that he was being pranked.

>>2569789
exquisite

>>2569775
oh this reminds me of a battle i got in with this total arsehole i used to work with.
>work in an ill equipped workshop
>I got a new shop vac. i needed one for my work. the whole workshop relied on one shop vac.
>apart from the cnc guy, he has his own.
>the cnc guy takes my new shop vac and clogs it and fills it with fine dust
>does not empty it
>i empty it and clean it
>tell him, "this is my shop vac, you have your own, use that one, not mine"
>"i don't see your name on it!"
>write my name on it
>go on holiday for a week
>come back and he's written; "still the company's" underneath my name.
>two things have now happened;
>it has been confirmed that he is the most petty and pathetic arsehole on earth, and ...
>a war has been started.
>print out loads of huge stickers that say "property of [company name]"
>stick them on everything in the cnc room
>his computer screen
>his hammer
>his spanners
>his file (on the actual teeth)
>his computer mouse.
>he is enraged
>tries to play it off cool but he is seething
>months pass
>i find an unused sticker
>stick it right across the lenses of his goggles while he is not looking
>he puts on the goggles
>confusion
>takes them off
>looks at the label
>his face falls
>he storms up to the manager like a sulking child
>absolutely seething with impotent rage
>manager very confused (they ARE company property ????)
>tells me off for pranking people.
>show him the writing on the shop vac
>show him how easy it is to remove the sticker with no damage
>cnc guy has multiple heart attacks over the months because he stresses himself out over inconsequentialities like pranks
moral of the story; chill the fuck out bro it's just a prank. don't start a war if you can't take flak.

>>2569817
What a tool lol, got 'em

Coworker was using compressed air to cool himself regularly.
We filled up the tubes with water.
I wasnt there to witness it but it was pretty funny

>charge up capacitor to 240 V
>throw to fellow apprentice and say CATCH BRO

And then if you want to be a real dick later you can put it under their chair, in their toolbox etc but now its becoming bullying

>hey new guy place your hand here
>w-what you mean where the blade spins?
>*turn on* brrrrrrrrr
>AAAA MY FINGERS!!!
>it's just a prank bro

>>2569889
ok that's not really a prank it's just dangerous.
>>2569893
yeah exactly, i think there's pranks and then there's things sadists find funny.

getting back on track; another classic:
slash the bottom of a sack of flour
>hey i bet you can't lift this sack above your head!

>here son, put your mothers number in my phone

>>2569920
my favorite noob line since 1998

t. chad wannabe

>>2569308
>send apprentice to hall 3, row 16, 3rd shelf to get a Siemens Air Hook
>Hall 3 has only 14 rows
>there is no such thing as an siemens air hook (a classic in germany for pranking apprentices for decades now)
>apprentice is nowhere to be found for ~45 minutes
>misses his lunchbreak
>gets chewed out by foreman for not working
>doesn't rat me out for pranking him
absolute lad
we had a few beers with him later
trial of fire accomplished, he's one of us now

>>2569775
had a hearty laugh thanks anon
will use this one at one point

>>2569874

>>2569920
what if he just looks up your daughters number in your phone

>>2569558
did he died

>>2569558
Its just a prank bro

>>2569874
Kek

>>2569920
>take phone and randomly text for advice about jock itch

>>2569308
>Assign the newbie to a station
>The station has a power cord that happens to be attached to a plug that has a on-off switch elsewhere.
> Turn the power switch off
>Watch the confusion / Freak out ensue
> Turn the power back on when he goes to get help.
> Wait.
> Turn the power off again before he can get anything done.
> Repeat

>>2572460
do people really fall for that? our apprentice would immediately get that someones fucking with them

>>2572732
not all apprentices are made equal

Ey kid, go get the left handed screwdriver would ya

>>2572741
Send kid to crib for some fallopian tubes
parts guy asks if he needs 'em tied
comes back to ask me

>have an apprentice and send him to get a list of stuff
>Dictanyte
>Hand relief cream
>Bucket of steam
>Asked his father who worked with us
>Father sent him to wholesalers because we had run out of it all

Fucking legend

>>2572753
Lol, that's a good one. I wasn't an apprentice, I was a cadet in the merchant navy, where you're lower than an apprentice. On your first equator crossing you get hazed pretty bad, covered in grease, fish guts, made to do an obstacle course and then fed enough liquor to kill a horse. It wasn't me but another cadet got tied to the mast and left for 24 hours since everyone forgot about him

Beech electrodes for repairing pallets
Helps if you got a few pallets in your box kek
Also someone sent a new fat guy to look for a sphincter

>putting together some pumps with the new guy
>yeah so most places call this stuff "pipe dope" but for whatever reason, everyone here calls it monkey cum
Requires some patience, but worth it.

my fave is pretending to be gay as you pretend to feel up the newb balls and penis but actually you're smearing his groin with dirty old grease heh

pretty common from what I've seen

>>2572865
Yeah we did this at our workshop too

>>2572865
>>2572871
I thought it's rare? is it just that few people speak up of this?

This thread made me realize that the reason as to why tradies are underappreciated and even oppressively dismissed is because of the rising homophobia trends in our shitty society

>>2572763
Thats grounds for smothering someone in their sleep

>>2572905
International waters, it's amazing what happens. We chucked 180 car batteries in the sea one day.

>>2572963
As someone who is working towards doing offshore commercial diving....

>>2572966
Just wait till you see what goes on on the rigs. They're not as bad as deep sea, but definitely nothing like being on land.

Imagine having to work with a Konataposter.

>>2572905
Man, that is like the oldest tradition ever

Dont be a pussy

>>2572758
Baste bluecollar lyfe dad

>>2572985
>cadet got tied to the mast and left for 24 hours since everyone forgot about him
Youre the type of faggot that got people killed in peacetime and then didnt even have to tell their mother to her face.

>>2573009
Technically they're all the types of faggots who get peopled killed in peace and wartime because governments couldn't wage war without those retarded faggots

>>2572905
>wanting permanent wog status
Enjoy your nightly soap beatings

>>2569389
> Work with machines that need a partial vacuum
> asked a new guy to grab me a bottle of vacuum
> Smart kid comes back with an empty water bottle that he put in a bag and vacuumated

>Mouthbreathing wagie tries to troll me with a bullshit question
>simply say no do it yourself
Fuck unpaid apprentice ships

>>2573076
>>2573009
You know that's the merchant navy right anon? You Americans might not know what that is since yours is an international joke?

>>2573122
>Since 2008, 3 September has been officially commemorated as Merchant Navy Day, on the same day as the pre-existing Australian National Flag Day,[6][7][4] which allows the Australian Red Ensign to be flown on land for the occasion as a matter of protocol,[8][9] as an official recognition of the merchant navy's contribution in wartime.[4][5] The Australian Merchant Navy Memorial in Canberra, the national capital city of Australia, is a memorial honouring the Australian Merchant Navy's involvement in both world wars
Nice try
>noooo the merchant navy isn't part of the military until it is!

>>2572777
>Also someone sent a new fat guy to look for a sphincter
how did he not get this KEK
>>2572875
how did you not realise this, fuk.
>>2572873
the gay jokes and things like that are RIFE in most workshops that I've been in which are staffed by real men. contrastingly the faggy places have no jokes, are boring and shit and failing.
>>2572758
this is fucking brilliant, what a bro.
>>2572984
imagine having to work with you.
>>2573122
rekt, pwned and owned.

>>2573109
>apprentice ships
yeah i prefer cruise ships tbdesu

>>2569308
>workshop pranks
fire the airhose up the new lads bumhole

>>2573177
don't do this btw it can kill

>shoot up the workplace after gay sexual harassment
heh, always gets 'em

>>2573180
proofs?

>>2573194
i mean my initial "proof" came from my understanding of both human anatomy and compressed air but I just searched "man killed by compressed air prank" and found this video and associated news articles;
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wiLUm7QVgRM

>>2569889
i don't remember what they were rated, but the ones from a model t ignition coil are great for encouraging guys to cover their plumber's crack

>>2573126
Contributing. The merchant navy was give the title of merchant navy, having been previously called the merchant marine (as it still is in the US) in honour of the sacrifice of brave mariners. Merchant seamen were more likely than frontline troops to die during the war. However, they were civilians and do not receive any form of military benefits or rank.

>>2573338
That's even worse
>enable wars to happen
>more likely to die than troopers
>receive no military benefits
Without logistics governments can't wage war and they find perfect simps like this

>>2573122
>Americans might not know what that is since yours is an international joke?
What is he trying to ask?

Asking for wire stretchers is the go-to for us.

>t. Sparky

>send new guy first into a really shitty crawl space
>throw dead rats to new guy to bag
>make new guy kill caught live rats
>make new guy bait traps with parts from cannibalised rats
none of these are pranks its just business to make sure theyre comfortable with the profession they chose
t. pest control

>>2573344
>Seaborne trade is exclusively used for war
That's a shit take anon, 92% of all goods move by sea, that's definitely not the thing that allows wars to happen.

>>2573648
Bragging about being a merchant marine is

>>2573562
>none of these are pranks
sir you are in the wrong thread

>laying block
>working on a lede
>see gc comes on site
>grab a 4ft 2x4 and draw it to look like a level bubble and all.
>swap out real level for 2x4 once gc walks by
>he stares for 2 minutes trying to process

>>2572875
we dont like fags and that is never going to change

>>2573950
what about booby trapping your coworkers' unlocked trucks with snap traps and glueboards?
nothing beats reaching for a wooden victor thinking its disarmed and then almost breaking 3 fingers

>>2573214
How come this "prank" is so popular. Also how long do they shove it to be that effective

>>2574020
masterful

>>2569817
>has multiple heart attacks over the months because he stresses himself out over inconsequentialities like pranks

I will take "bullshit that never happened" for $1000, Alex!

>>2574796
Idk anon, im dealing with an employee right now that gave himself multiple strokes from streasing out over mundane shit at work.

>>2574798

maybe he already had underlying health issues that you didnt know about. everyone has their problems anon

>>2574796
it is 100% true, cnc guy is an emotionally unstable, petty, bi-polar, self-destructive mess. i heard from a former colleague who still works there that recently, when he was sulking and smashing things about like he usually would when he got in a mood, he slammed the back door of the factory so hard that it broke the locking mechanism and they couldn't get it fixed, so the back door was just open for weeks. (factory is full of easily stealable electronics worth literally hundreds of thousands).

>>2575008
maybe its because he had to deal with stupid fucks pranking him. or stupid fucks in general. I cannot stand to work with immature fucks who play around or have no real work ethic, its get the fuck out of my way or get run over.

>>2569581
What a dumbfuck idea. Glad I'm not a tradie and working with you.

>>2572758
>Dictanyte
LMAO, hey sonny can you go get some Dictanyte?

Sent the new guy to get lunch for everyone at a grocery deli counter.
>Added sphincter rings to the list.
Both he and the counter lady were too retarded to figure out it was a prank and spent good amount of time looking for sphincter rings.

>>2569656
you sound like tons of fun on the job site

>>2569308
send them for:
flightline
static wicks
blinker fluid
carburetor belts
piston return springs
fallopian tubes
fahrenheits for when the engine overheats
prop wash
sky hook

>>2569889
someone did this to me in electronics class in high school, knocked me on my ass and possibly knocked me out for a few seconds. since then I never catch anything I cannot identify that is thrown at me.

the owner of an IT company would come up to you and while talking to you start handing things to you randomly, or if you were wearing a shirt with a pocket he would casually pour water in it.

since working for him I never take anything handed to me without looking at it, and then only if I need/wanted it.

I worked for a state government in IT, we had strict rules about leaving our computers unlocked when away from our desk (we had admin accounts), if he saw a computer unlocked, he would change your background to pic related (or my little pony), and/or send out an email (from the guys computer) to all the IT saying free donuts or pizza tomorrow.

>>2575010
no he seriously has BAD emotional issues from childhood trauma, you might be in the same boat by the looks of things.

>>2575195
>the owner of an IT company would come up to you and while talking to you start handing things to you randomly
i used to do this to my fucking stupid boss all the time hahahaha at the previous place i worked (quit, not fired) i'd distract him a little and get him in conversation then hand him a load of parts or rubbish i didn't want to deal with, really casual like it was totally normal and not even something you would think about and just walk away, by the time he realised anything was up i was too far away, then he'd be lumbered with it & so confused, sometimes he'd shout after me but I'd just respond
"it's your [insert whatever i handed him] now!" and be gone.

>Work in peanut processing plant
>99% mexican, one of maybe 5 white dudes in the whole place
>There's a "picking room" that's exclusively female
>Part of job as quality involves walking into picking room to take samples
>Younger chick in picking room I chat with sometimes
>Cute but all these mexicans are related somehow and frown on race mixing so I don't shit where I eat
>Wasp in picking room one day
>Flies by young girl
>She yelps and cowers from it
>Lands on window
>Grab small sample bucket and place it over wasp which is a bit over head height for me
>Motion her to come hold bucket down
>She does
>Has to learn over table and stand on her tiptoes to reach it
>Lean in and tell her "it's your problem now" and walk off
>She shouts "are you serious???" As I walk out laughing

Another one
>My desk is by a supply closet
>There are these 3ft, 4" diameter round steel shafts with a key slot cut in them for some of the machines
>Probably weigh about 75lbs each
>New kid comes to get one
>He's got a more senior mexican with him
>Stop the kid as he grabs one and tell him you gotta carry them one handed or you'll ruin it
>Kid looks confused
>Tries to pick it up one handed and fails
>I pick one up one handed to demonstrate
>(I would use these things to work out on night shift)
>Tell him to stop screwing around
>Older Mexican is amused and plays along yells at him to hurry up
>Kid is STRUGGLING, anxiety all over his face
>We both bust out laughing at him
>He figures out were fucking with him starts muttering curses in spanish

>>2577086
>puts it right back where you picked it up

>>2577118
>>Has to learn over table and stand on her tiptoes to reach it
>>Lean in and tell her "it's your problem now" and walk off
Hot

<Heavy machine shop.
<Working on G&L 7" floor bar
<Been in a pass for about 30 minuets got about 15 left to go.
<Hear "Fire in the hole" from other end of shop followed by a loud thump and some air hissing.
<See some white cloud and object rocketing towards me.
<Duck behind blueprint stand.
<Hear something hit above and behind me.
<Can't fucking breath because Im in a cloud of chalk dust.
Ass hats fired a 2"round by about 8 inch long chunk of chalk at the machine so it would explode in to dust cloud.

>>2569308
anyone here heard of bump starting the disc cutter?
wheelbarrow license?

>>2577118
>Grab small sample bucket and place it over wasp
you fucking MADMAN. i love it.
>>2577403
dyxlescia can be hard huh?
>>2577678
>wheelbarrow license?
oh god i can see this one becoming real.

today a lad on the job site reminded me of one; welding your colleagues steel toe cap boots together. hard mode: while they are wearing them and standing near the trestle, weld them to the trestle.

>>2577684
>welding your colleagues steel toe cap boots together
does this damage the boot?

>>2572905
This but smother is too kind

>>2577678
>bump starting the disc cutter
What do you define as didc cutter
Gotta bumpstart the die grinder all the time when the airs low

>>2569308
A stand that is short is real though

>>2569308
Got asked to fetch the glass-bulging hammer, was pretty confused.

>>2578149
>Not heating up glass untill it warps, hammering bulges into the glass, coming back with bulged glass and a mallet, and telling them you tested it to make sure it was a good one

>>2578247
you can just hammer their heads y'know

>>2577972
yeah, so go and ask your foreman for one when you're back in work on monday.

told my new secretary she was fired if she don't blow me lol!! can't believe she actually did it..fucking hazed

>>2577883
yes and no
>>2578287
excuse me, you will have to leave, in order to enter this workshop you need to have a fully functional sense of humour.

>>2578256
They're ya go now get back to work

>>2578247
Reminds me of a young lad just starting on his apprenticeship. One of the guys tells him to get a glass hammer from a guy who wasn't even on site that day.
Lads goes off for about 10 minutes and comes back with a glass jar taped to a stick and hands it to him. Turns out all his family were tradies and he knew all the tricks.
I was impressed how he even managed to scrounge up a glass jar, we were in the middle of nowhere

>>2578292
>yes and no
can I brush it out or is it going to be scuffed forever?

>>2578311

>>2578402
>does welding something to the steel toe cap THROUGH THE LEATHER/OUTER OF THE BOOT damage the boot?
>welding melts the metal
>you have to make a hole in the leather
i'm sure a little polish will fix it right up